Why I Rarely Blog This Year..

September 08, 2015

Pray and you'll be answered, ask and you'll be given

I am not a devoted Christian, but I really try to be one
Unfortunately I ain't lucky in terms of relationship leh.. I just got a huge heart break a few months ago, hence I havent blogged a lot. I lost my motivation in blogging and social media because of it

I like this guy for like 5 years already and it just had to stop at certain point because there's no future, and there's no way we can be together.. I just realized it at that time and he told me to find a better man than him. One main reason is because, I am Christian and he is not. I try to follow Christian life which he cant accept and I wont abandon my God just because of a guy that I really like [although this guy is like the biggest influencer in my life]

No, we were not in relationship. It is kinda one sided heavy feeling while the other party is toying with me. I am only bought by bad guys I guess

Within years, I have tried meeting up with other guys to stop seeing him but it never works as the others are jerks as well LOL So basically it's an on and off. It just basically never works and the reasons are so dumb to be told in real life. Everyone who heard about it said my love life is like a K-Drama with many obstacles, only that I dont get to be in a relationship with any of them

But finally it's end and now I dont have any reason to go back to him as the backup
I used to think it's ok if no guy likes me as long as I have him, but now I have no backup plan wtf

After the deep thought, I decided to get a guy, a real one . . 

SO... I tried.. I was up meeting new guys again, I now accepted invitation from guys whom my friends wanted to introduce, and I downloaded Tinder LOL FML

That's one hella mistake because in the end my guy friend said, "you cant find a serious guy on tinder"
But some of my friends' friends got boyfriends.. And so, Tinder is not filled with only bad people right? And worst case is, I am pretty serious and easy in terms of relationship. I cant play and I am easily played with wtf. I hardly get in touch with guys and I dont like texting that much [My friends would know I hardly reply messages] but once I put effort, I would never let it into a waste so usually my friends call me cheap .__. I cannot even pretend that I dont like the guy or do tactics to make the guy curious. Maybe that's why guys find me boring?

Anywayyyy, I matched with a few guys on Tinder and tried talking, and in fact majority is nice and I never got dirty message at all :O So okay so far all is good

Then I tried going on a date with one person
This guy is good looking, smart, has good body LOL, and very gentleman. I CANT FIND ANY FLAW AND I AM SCARED lol

In life I always feel when it is too good to be true, then it is untrue

So as I am writing this on Sunday, I came back from church and asked God... And it's been such a long time since I talk privately with God. Usually it's just "please give me job" or "thanks for the food" LOL 

I prayed, "God.. IF This is the guy that you really give to me, then please bless me this time. But if this one is not the one that you prepare for me, I dont think I am someone who can reject guys so please just move him farther from me"

Then after finished church, I saw text from my friend whom happened to know about him and at last I knew that he's just fucking around
When I rambled about this to my other friends, they were saying "youre the fuckin idiot one. Why are you finding true love on Tinder. It's an app for fucking around!! Even you go baper, STUPID!"


So after that I deleted Tinder . . 

The pray is answered very fast.. And God does his wonder, maybe he knew that I am not up for fucking around and he knew that Tinder is not good for me, so I was warned. For atheist you can call me not logically thinking, but I believe this is really a sign from the Creator. I called my atheist friend about it and said "you might not believe this but I asked God and he gave me answer"

This is little thing in life that made me sure that God does exist and anyway we're moving back

It seems that this one is not the guy for me lol
One friend told me that it was good for me to find out faster before I put my feeling more. That's true and I am glad. But I am unhappy because I am such not blessed in romance life. Especially they all say that I am so "BAPER" wtf, and I just learned this word from Jess in fact :x
I guess I really cant play around, but I am always toyed with, sigh . .

I have good family and I have healthy life, I have good job and I earn nice money, I can travel a lot and have freedom of time. Maybe it is just too much to ask for a luck in love department and luck has to be divided equally

So maybe in exchange for my awesome job, I get zero good feedback in this category. I was really trying but it just never works and I seriously dont know why. There's always this excuse that prevents me from romance

My best friend said she wanted the heartbeat feeling that I got from those guys, because her bf is so nice and awkward with women. I replied, "Those feelings were given through all the bad boys who have experiences with women.. Your men is nice hence the inexperience, which means he is serious with you. He only does it to you so he knows nothing. Dont play fire with the kind of guys I always meet, never end up well and will never go anywhere"

Within this blog post I dedicate it to my Jesus for saving me. I am not sure why He never gives me anything in love department but maybe He works in a mysterious way that I dont know now. Maybe I will know in the future but for now I am really not given any chance to do so . .

So for now, even Tinder wont work with me and I dont know what to do
But for now, let me sob in misery of singleness. Why O God have you abandoned my love?

And this saturday I am going to be 23 years old, o hello cat-lady job when I am old

Ok, at least I have my dog for now.. I will just dedicate my whole love to him

Sob sob . . .

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