Marriage and Children Are a Choice

June 02, 2016

I was having a conversation with my friend Jessica about marriage. Jessica is my longest friend I have ever had. My best friend, but unfortunately as she's working for PWC as accountant, she has not much time to spare with me. But once we are on the phone together, BOOM. 3 hours is not even enough. We talk about everything, and mostly deep issues yes lol

Now you guys know what kind of friends I have. Mostly they're very critical.. Anggy is similar lol

Anyway, back to Jessica, we were talking about marriage and child. She's someone who doesn't put marriage on the first to-do-list and I respect that. I want to get married but I just don't know when, and child might be good but she thinks children are annoying lol (not like sometimes I dont agree with her)

Then again, isn't life's dictated pretty much especially if you're in Asia? Indonesia, where family comes first in life as the motto that's pretty much grown deep in our root, is no different
You listen and obey to your parents and have to please your big family
No wonder even on sunday, people still spend time with their family by visiting malls or having dinner at restaurant

So we are subjected to do this kind of life =
graduate from school - get a good boyfriend / girlfriend ASAP - get married and invite hundreds of family's friends whom you dont know to your wedding - produce children ASAP - make amazing and genius babies to inherit your genes and they better be studying at good school

If you're lucky, your parents will provide the capital to start your life. Such as cars and apartment or house. However if you're not that wealthy, you're obliged to save and buy home as soon as possible otherwise you cant buy that in the future. So save your money and get out from office to start your own business. They scare us

However, what if we choose to NOT do the things that they want us to be?

I still remembered that once my mom told me that I should make babies and if possible, in natural birth. When I asked why, the answer was not pleasing to be heard "so you'll know how much a mom suffers to give a birth?"

Seriously ?

I dont want to create human just to know the suffering that my mom has been through. I know it must be painful, unimaginable, however if that's the purpose of having children then I better not have one

Jessica's mom is no different. Especially since she prefers to stay alone and never have kids, things that is still uncommon in Indonesia, moreover it's not accepted by old generation. So you guys can imagine how scary it can be when she voices out her opinion

I told her that once I had my dog, my life changed. I have to spend time with him, I have to make sure he has enough food and drinks, I have to train him and love him so he's not lonely. Basically things that I have never done before and when I am too busy with work and life, I hate to admit that I dont give as much love as I am supposed to

And again, it's just a dog.. 

When you're having babies, the responsibility is bigger than just having a pet. You have to make sure you have enough savings so they can finish university, you have to make sure he grows into a decent human being, you have to spend enough time and so on. Unfortunately, both of us are not ready despite some of our friends seem to have stepped into motherhood

I dont know whether we think too much or they're special, but for us, we still have things we'd like to do. We dont have opportunity to study abroad back then, we never live apart from our family, we havent travelled much and see the world, and there are many things that we want to do when we're enjoying our single life

So the conclusion is, isn't life a choice? 
If somebody doesnt want to get married and have kids, why somebody has to say that they have to so they wont be lonely? (so youre making child just to accompany you, what if they dont want to do so???)  or tell them other things

The one that makes the babies is ourselves

So for now, I think marriage is still far away from me and her.. However I'd like to know you guy's opinion as well about this?

Are people who reading this blog prefer to get married and have kids or no?
Why do you want to have kids? :)

Maybe some might give me and Jessica little insight and new perspective to see the world 

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