Limited Lifespan

December 02, 2018

Around more than 1 week ago, I had a really terrible news. I was having a good time in my life. I had an amazing job, supportive friends, balanced love life, healthy mental state, and in the pursuit of my study in Tokyo. In the last 5 months, I have been living in Japan for, my whole life is all perfect in its own way. And I thought nothing about how it should end, and it's not even ending yet. However, I have to face the reality that it's not going to continue forever. As there's no forever

I was informed that my best friend in Japan had passed away because of an accident during work

I did mention about her many times. She's the friend that helped me to reside in Japan and if it's not because of her, I wouldn't be able to get my current apartment with a good deal. I have known her for 4-5 years when she was living in Jakarta at that time before moving back to Tokyo 2-3 years ago. She's a Japanese but so fluent in English, and she's like my big sister. In case you remember in April this year, I celebrated her birthday at Ginza and I wrote a long-ass post about how beautiful, smart, kind, and perfect she is. And I can say that because I know her well, not just the outer face

And she also joined me to stay at Hoshinoya Fuji in April 2017

When I heard about the news, I felt my whole body shaken but I was at a work event and I had to act professionally. I kept texting her boyfriend asking about what's happened and felt like slapping myself to find out whether it's a joke or a dream. But it's all real

All the thoughts were scattered inside my brain and it wasn't even real until I saw the funeral. Her hometown is in Kumamoto and I flew there to attend the funeral. Maybe that's why you found me not updating my life much these days, because I really had no power to talk or to write anything

I ditched my school, and there I saw her boyfriend, crying. And my heart broke to pieces
It was a real love, and I knew their story. In the airplane, I was thinking of our promise. She said I had to visit Kumamoto one day and eat Horse sashimi as it's their specialty. I was mad for not fulfilling that promise sooner, I didn't want to visit Kumamoto for that. I wanted to visit Kumamoto with her, laugh, and talk till morning

I didn't want to talk much about her funeral, her love story, her accident, and such
Precisely it's also because I'm worn out of everything, I cried a lot, and I had thrown out all of the things I would like to say and shout out loud

I didn't plan to talk about it publicly either on the first place, but I would like to let a piece of memory with her in this blog. After all, my blog is supposed to be saving big things that happened in my life

But this case made me realize again about how fragile a human is, and how we might never know when we're going to be called
And honestly, this is my third time attending a funeral of my friends in the last 2 years span. Considering my young age, it's something that's uncommon to happen around me. But it happens, and it makes me think again more about life and death

I told my closest friend about where I saved my will just in case something happened to me
After all, I am alone in a foreign country and I am afraid what if I'm dead and no one knows? What if I'm dead but I haven't reached my goal of doing this and that?
What's the purpose of all the money, bags, and cosmetics anyway?

I don't know when I'm going to die but this is not an era where you need to wait until >80 years old to pass away. You can die anytime..

It makes me chuckle whenever I have to be depressed for so long, wasting my time, over a simple matter in life. And why should I care about how people are going to judge my choice of life anyway? After all, my life is too short for that. And I do believe 2018 is the fastest year in my whole life, everything happened in a blink and now we're facing the end of the year

But I'm not going to fear the death
I'm fearing how I am not living my life even though I am alive

So this is also another wake-up call for me, and hopefully for you too who are reading this post
I might not be okay anytime soon, because her death still haunts me even up to this day. But I have to keep living, for her as well

RIP Yumi 11.2018
You will be missed
and I love you

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  1. I am so sorry for you loss... I really don't know what to say but I'm sending lots of love and prayers over to you and her family and loved ones.

    Hello Lizzie Bee