How Japan Grew Me

September 12, 2013

Today I reached 21 years old
I always hate aging. I really do. But I always do self-reflection twice a year. During my birthday, and during the end of the year. To improve myself to be a better woman, a better human, and feeling grateful of what I have received

Looking back, I can't believe the life that I am living right now. It's not perfect, as I still have some big problems to solve, but I'm grateful for many opportunities that I've always wanted since I was child

Anyway, this is a hint of my next make up tutorial for Animonstar Magazine next issue ^^ 
I read Animonstar since I was teen too, never expected that I would fill the content there and work with the team! 

So... Let's start  photo 16_zps5de46f29.png

My 6 years old self who was watching Sailor Moon, and Doraemon
My mom wanted me to be a model or actress when I was young, so she wanted me to enter school for it. But I cried, I said I didn't want to go because I wanted to watch Sailor Moon. It's my life. I prefer to be a Sailor Moon instead of a model. I love Japan than being a model..  photo 21_zpsd46e6a3a.png
Mom said I was stupid, and kept regretting that I didn't follow the path she prepared for her. She's always asking what I can earn from just loving Japan

But in the end, I had opportunity to walk on runway as a model his year. In Japan.. TWICE
For Harajuku Kawaii Matsuri & Marble Wonderland
With blonde hair, like sailor moon wtf lol And it's all caused because I love Japan..  photo 21_zpsd46e6a3a.png photo 21_zpsd46e6a3a.png photo 21_zpsd46e6a3a.png

My 8 years old self who watching Rurouni Kenshin
I first learned about Samurai and Japanese History through it. I always went home right after school. I didn't really play outside. Because I wanted to watch the anime that started around 3p.m [if I am not mistaken]. This anime also leads me to know about L'Arc~en~Ciel and T.M.Revolution. I also watched other animes by that time, it filled my childhood  photo 7_zpsb3b360eb.png

Never I expected that L'Arc~en~Ciel would perform in Indonesia 10 years later, singing their phenomenal song for the anime, 4th Avenue Cafe. I was there, listening to their songs, and watching HYDE live, at the first line  photo 21_zpsd46e6a3a.png photo 21_zpsd46e6a3a.png photo 21_zpsd46e6a3a.png

And what's better to start this 21st Birthday by receiving CD's signed by one of the legends of my childhood, with happy birthday message?

I got CD's signed by him because of my MC Role for AFAID13, T.M.R brought many CD's for the staffs. Danny also got one, so I am not special okay
But I considered it early birthday present for me la. Urm, You know what I mean? Like when you got something good, then you feel that you want to pile it for categorizing it as special events? XD 
So I simply shared it on twitter like but he sent me bday message!  photo 23_zpsff500481.png photo 23_zpsff500481.png photo 23_zpsff500481.png

Many things happened in AFA and seriously he's the kindest artist I've ever met in my whole life. He's so down to earth  photo 20_zps5d2368e3.png

My 10-11 years old self who was watching countless animes at TV7 
Hunter X Hunter, Hikaru no Go, Whistle, Yu Yu Hakusho, Slam Dunk, Captain Tsubasa, Nube Sensei, etc
I always finished my shower as fast as possible so I could watch them leisurely
I collected thousands of mangas with my allowance. I only had Rp 5000 for allowance per day. And each manga is around Rp 8000 - Rp 9000 back then ? 

I only ate cheap foods during break. So I can buy around 10-15 mangas monthly.
My mom hates my hobby. She thinks it's useless to save just to buy mangas

I don't care about starving tummy, all I care is I want to read mangas as much as possible
 I have thousands of mangas now, much more than my make up collection to be honest

My 12 years old self who was busy drawing mangas
Studying and aspiring to be a mangaka at Machiko Manga School. The first and only manga school in Indonesia back then. I saved my allowance and paid the entrance fee on my own. It was about 2-3 million rupiah back then? My allowance is only around Rp 10.000/ day
I had to do this on my own because my mom didn't really support me to be a mangaka
I starved, starved and starved, because I want to study manga, and a step closer with Japan

Everytime my Sensei told me about Japan, my feeling grew stronger. About the onsen, the sushi, maid cafe, shibuya, harajuku, kyoto, snow, sakura, and so on. I need to visit it, one day! 

And now I am about to take off for my 4th Japan Trip!  photo 2_zpsae87ac1c.png

My 14 years old self who was bleaching her hair at salon
Grew up into Harajuku Fashion Style. I can't stop looking at people at magazines an internet, with crazy harajuku styles and hair. I want to be like them. I want to be fashionable. But most important is, I want to dress up like that, in Harajuku.. Walking down on the street, and showing off styles altogether with my friends

I started learning how to put eyeliner, how to style hair, and my first circle lens is Blue because I thought I looked cool lol

My first eyeliner is Pixy, I got it second hand from my mom. And my lens was bought at nearest optical store at my home. Now I got sponsored by some local and international top beauty brands and getting at least a little prettier than years ago hahaha  photo 19_zpsea30aab8.png

My 15 years old self who keeps listening to Visual Kei Band uncontrollably
Alice Nine, Vidoll, the Gazette, Miyavi, Malice Mizer, Versailles, GACKT, SID, etc. The musics are totally different. My friends were busy listening to Western Music, and singing english. I mumbled the lyrics which I didn't know along with the song. I didn't remember the lyric that much, I didn't know what the meaning was, all I know was I had so much fun listening to their songs

I aspired to get into this style for years hahaha.. I wanted to have that manly and cool look lol 

Years later, I got a chance to meet with one of my idols, Miyavi, as he's my friend's friend. Got signature and talk a while with him when he had concert in Jakarta last year

These 'teens' era of mine, were like the most shameful era in my life LOL
now I looked back, I was like 'dafuq did I do to my hair and style'
Most of the pictures were from lame digital camera, or phone camera. I didn't have quality DSLR back then. My Visual Kei background made me not very a feminine girl, even until now. I like animal print, skull, chains, and such for my fashion haha.. I became a little more feminine though now

My 17 years old self who discovered the joy of Japanese Make Up
Why I started doing make up, is because of my love toward Japan. Japanese people are very stylish, so I need to put effort as well! I began to learn about gyaru make up. I polished my skill of putting false eyelashes and blush on. My make up and style are always revolved around Japanese Style. And my blog suddenly talks all about beauty stuffs

And now, this blog brings me to a lot of amazing journeys and opportunities which I never expected before. I was studying from internet, from people in internet, and now I also hosted beauty classes and workshops in Indonesia

I can't believe the life that I'm doing now
People only know that I am make up addict, but to be honest I am Japan-addict haha.. 

Remembering old times really makes me think how times have passed so fast

I've always been a money-saver since I was a kid. But maybe it's also because of my mom's discipline for not giving me things that I want very easily
So I work very hard to earn money, and save as much as I can! And pay what I want! 
Back then it was only to buy mangas. It sharpens my mental and determination! 

I am very grateful, to be alive

Today is caused by yesterday
And tomorrow is caused by today

After years of dreaming dreaming dreaming
I finally reached it

I just want to say to my young self, to never stop believing and dreaming about all my dreams back then
I almost fulfilled all my childhood dreams
And what's next for me is of course, finding a bigger dream to pursue!!  photo 9_zps7055d5e3.png

Your goal might be different from mine, or might be the same
I received a lot of messages saying they also want to come to Japan one day

If you can dream, you can do it
Because when you dream, you have determination to do so!
I hope this long rambling post will give at least one person an encouragement to work harder to pursue their goal
Everything goes for a reason  photo 10_zpsae5fe21d.png

If I didn't like Sailor Moon, I wouldn't want to watch other animes
If I didn't watch anime, I wouldn't want to be a mangaka
If I didn't want to be a mangaka, I wouldn't want to study at Manga School
If I didn't study at Manga School, my hand skill to draw eyeliner & put make up wouldn't be as skilful as now
If I didn't learn make up, I wouldn't be able to start my blog
If I didn't start my blog, I wouldn't have many opportunities like now

If I didn't learn to save money when I was kid, I wouldn't be able to save money as well for Japan
If I didn't come to Japan, people wouldn't know how much I loved Japan and wouldn't give me opportunities regarding Japan

If I didn't join the contest held by Kawaii.i, I wouldn't be able to do runway and come to Japan many times for something called 'job'
If I didn't become Indonesia Kawaii Leader, I might wouldn't be AFA Host
If I didn't become AFA Host, I wouldn't have more opportunities that would be coming to now from now on
And I wouldn't be able to meet T.M.R and got CD too hahaha  photo 13_zps0e34a866.png

Now I know that whatever I do now, will lead for something greater in the future
Sooner or later
Never stop believing!  photo 7_zpsb3b360eb.png

And because of so many wonderful people who supported me to become what I am today, both old and new friends, business partners, staffs, co-workers, and so on. I am very very grateful
People say I am already good enough, but to be honest I am never satisfied. Once you're satisfied of your career, your appearance, your achievements, then that's the end

Now the biggest task is to finish my uni, I'm last year, but I really need to finish it soon so I can focus on working on this job more. I have so many dreams to pursue and I will never stop believing that I can do it!
You can also do it  photo 19_zpsea30aab8.png

I am, just a normal girl who reads Manga at home.. And playing bubble game on my smartphone
Why can't you?

With this view, I embrace my 21st year old

Happy birthday to ME

Enough about me

What's your dream? 

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  1. Such a beautiful story! You truly deserve everything you have now! Have a Happy Birthday!<33

  2. so beautiful :* happy birthday, have an amazing day ~~

  3. Happy Birthday!!!

  4. Baguuuuus....T_T.
    Selamat hari lahir Stellaaaa, sehat, bahagia, dan sukses selaluuu.

  5. Thank you love <3
    I dont think it's that beautiful, but thank you :)

  6. haha bagus apanya ^^;
    makasih yaa =)

  7. Beautiful story ;_; happy birthday =D!!

  8. IKB ❣イマーニ ❁ ちゃん❣September 12, 2013 at 9:31 AM

    beautifully inspiring! a million thank you's for sharing. Happy Birthday!

  9. Youre so pretty !! love your blog..and happy birthday :)

  10. Happy twin birthday...
    I turn 3* this year... :'(
    Best wishes for you

  11. Beautifully written- and Happy Birthday ヽ(○´∀`)ノ♪!! It was really fun watching how your style changed throughout the years and how all those little things you did as a child affected you as a teen and now an adult.

  12. A million thanks for supporting my blog~

  13. thank you for loving it, i love you <3

  14. happy birthday ce stella :*
    semoga panjang umur dan semoga sukses selalu
    God bless you ^^

  15. I think everyone's affected of how they grew up and what they did as a child, if they say no, then they just havent harvested it yet :)

  16. hehehe terima kasih banyak supportnya yah dina

  17. U.Me★(秋本弓美) @LiSAッ子September 12, 2013 at 10:19 AM

    happy b-day stella-san~ ^^
    u right. i have a dream to become a singer in japan, there is so much chance and i know that i have yo do it. No matter the result is we never know it if we didn't challenge ourselves and take this chance. I've got the chance now, and i will do my best so my dreams will come true.

    LiSA - Believe in myself songs and you are my inspiration.

    " keep on going to get my chance, someday my dreams will come true. i will never give it up "

    ^^. Believe in myself so i can make my dreams come true soon or later ^^

  18. Good luck in becoming singer! :) When you've got chance, you've gotta do it!!

  19. Happy basudei stella >< wish u all the best

  20. Happy Birthday stella chan.. wish u all the best ^o^

  21. happy bdae stell...
    masih inget rasanya wkt tahun lalu ada yg ga mau masuk usia kepala 2. LOL
    but u're more lucky when u got 20 i think.. hhaha..
    "Never stop believing!" i love that quote.
    your story so inspiring stell. keep believing what u're dreaming someday it'll be come true... skali lagi Happy bdae Stell wish u all de best.. :)

  22. Happy Birthday, Stella~ U're really inspiring me >.<

  23. :')
    this is a good example of how dream and hard work can change our life.. ^^
    Happy birthday, tel!!! :*
    Anyway please read LINE :p

  24. before.. i wanna say " otanjoubi omodettou gozaimasu..." ^o^

    your post really really encourage me to reach my dream too.. :)
    thanks for sharing ur inspiring story :D

    i love japan too.... :3
    i still remember anime at TV7 too.. hhhahhaa
    every 6-7 PM i were already standby in front of TV :P

  25. Happy birthday Stella, kamu benar-benar contoh yang bagus buat anak muda sekarang :)

  26. then we're the same, I also watched those Animes with my young brother and cousins who sometimes come to my home!
    Living the life that I wanted when I was kid, especially hosting the biggest anime event, it's totally overwhelming :')

  27. Happy birthday one of my fav beauty blogger~ Keep blogging dear! <3

  28. thank you! I really need spare time to have reviews again! :( I will I will

  29. thank you Dea, I'm glad if I really do T_T

  30. Cece you also can do it, your dream to come to Korea has come true right :') next something bigger will come!
    Thank you!

    HAHAHA ok ok soon yea, too many msgs T_T; so I ran away the reality by reading manga *digetok* lol

  31. awww.. iyaaa, how time has passed. 20 years old is where a lot of things come true! :'(
    When I was 19, I couldn't go to japan, so I think being 20 is not bad! hahaha.. Now what to do in 21 hmmm :')

    Thank you so much ayny for the support, hope you keep reading my blog ^^

  32. yaay! will wait it <3 make a video again pleasee :3

  33. Terharu baca postingannya :') emang bener ya kalau ada niat & usaha pasti ada jalan. Such an inspiring post. Beberapa dream-list ku udah kecoret juga sebelum umur 21, semua itu karena usaha, kerja keras & doa *halah hehehe. Anyway, happy birthday Stella :) all the best for you <3

  34. uwahhh spiritt lucky onnaaa XD this is still the beginning of your youthful life.
    i hope i could attend AFA too.. but almost all of my friend not interested with japan :,(

    can't wait to meet you at your workshop :D

    yeah.. but every sunday too!.. from indosiar, rcti (lotsa anime from 6 -11.30AM :D )

  35. congrats yah lintang :)
    iya kalau udah niat en berusaha, pasti bisa kok sbenernya =D

    makasih yaaa ^^

  36. you should just come haha, and make new friends there~
    oh youre coming to my workshop? see you there :")

  37. Happy Birthday Stella... :)
    Ceritanya menginspirasi banget.. Umur muda, tapi uda bekerja keras mencapai impian,,,
    Saya jadi merasa gak berguna, uda umur 25 tapi hanya "jalan di tempat"
    Keep blogging Stella...!!!! Once again, Happy Birthday.. God Bless You

  38. maybe next time.. i'll force my friend :P lol ( if there any japan festival or all about japan please share at your blog :D )

    yapsss. i already paid animonsta, just wait their confirmation heheh
    see ya :*

  39. Otanjoubi Omedetou Stella <3 <3
    Thanks for sharing your story ^^
    God is good!!

  40. yaaaay, Happy Birthday Dear! ~(*´▽`~*)
    keep goin' blogging, you're still beautiful and awesome! (๑・ω-)~♥

  41. ^^ HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D and actually I LOOOOOOOVE JAPAN SOOO MUCH BUT i think i dont fit with anything T^T i know i look ugly T^T and dont tell me that every girl is beautiful well i want to know how to put on cute make up any way XD and especially now bec iam in highschool and going to be 16 years old this month ^^ on 29 :D sooo happy to be 16 but i dont have many friends T^T so i will party my birthday with only my family Q^Q but iam still happy :D and my dream is to go and study in japan and work their ^^ :D and again happy birth day :D ^^

  42. happy birthday, ce~ :) very inspiring story from a very inspiring person :D

  43. Yurie Pancchi YaotomeSeptember 12, 2013 at 6:41 PM

    Nyappy Birthday!!! you deserved it :)
    I love your story because I can understand what you feel :) I hope to reached it too ♥

    my dream ? hummm when I was child I wanted to be an actress :) and after that my mother would like for me to become a model, but I don't when at this time. Now I want to be a model for Japanese fashion ♥ or only live in Japan with my shop création at Harajuku (dreaming dreaming ne ? :D )

  44. Happy birthday seira.. eh stella :D
    yay sama2 21 kita :3

  45. happy birthday ! 21 so young :) stay pretty always

  46. otanjoubi omedetou~~
    Japan is my dream too :")

  47. enggakkkk, kalau hanya berbicara soal umur, gak akan ada abisnya. liat aja banyak artis cilik juga yang lebih berprestasi dari aku, ato anak smp/sma yang menang olimpiade blablabla
    it's all about your own self :)

  48. appearance is not everything
    if you just say that only pretty girls can success, then how about AKB48 who look normal, but you can find dozens of people on the street who look more gorgeous than them?

  49. thank you so much for saying that :')

  50. no it's not, living with a dream is the best thing in life~!

  51. Happy brthday ce stella...
    Wish u all the best!!
    Really2 love this posting..
    sangat memberi motivasii!!
    Thank you... :)

  52. If the j-event is involving me, I might update it here :)

    See you!

  53. Marielle Santos FerminSeptember 13, 2013 at 4:05 AM

    how inspiring~!!! Thank you for encouraged me to achive my goals~!!!! After you worked hard. Now you can see the results of years saving and doing your best. TwT keep being who you are

  54. Happy birthday ci stella :D
    makin sukses ya ci ! XD ganbattee /o/
    ternyata dulu jg di MMS ya XD sayang kita beda tahun ajarannya disanaa

  55. Thank you Marielle, good luck in your dream too :D

  56. terima kasih =D
    iya, aku ada disana mungkin tahun... berapa tuh ya, pas ak 11-12 taun
    artinya taun 2004-2007 kali ya XD

  57. happy bday ce stellaaa...
    tambah suksess yaa,
    stay pretty! stay awesome!
    you're one of my inspiration^^
    love youu<3

  58. Happy birthday Stella! So happy for you :)

  59. happy birthday! i enjoyed reading about you and i feel like i know you a lot more. sorta similar interests it seems. ahh and i met miyavi too through a friend too. he was kinda awkward in person though and so skinny O.O anyways, have a good bday! 21 is just the beginning~

    xoxo Sarah (xlicious girl)
    Japanese Gyaru Makeup Blog

  60. U.Me★(秋本弓美) @LiSAッ子September 14, 2013 at 3:12 PM

    un! sankyu >w<

  61. Happy birthday!! :D

    I just found your blog and am a new follower! ^-^

  62. thank youuu :D hope you enjoy reading my future blog posts ^^

  63. thanks for your amazing post. you are my inspiration stella. HBD

  64. cici stella u inspire me!! a lottt! <333

    domou arigatoooo ><

  65. i should be the one who say thanks for reading my blog ;3;

  66. You're an amazing girl! Thanks for sharing this inspirational story! >w<

  67. Wow! So inspiring! I found ur blog today and read this post made me remember that I had that dream too, I want to go to Japan! And when I read ur story about saving ur money to buy manga, made me remember my old self coz It's really the same! My allowance was Rp 5.000/day and I kept saving it to bought Ufo baby (back then :3). So thank u so much :). I hope I can achieve my dream someday.

  68. happy birthday !
    you're so inspiring <3

  69. I just... It literally brings tears to my eyes. I'm soooo LATE why have I just known you now?!!! what you said is TOTALLY inspiring that I dont even know what to say and my head's like saying "where to start.. where...." oh my God....... thank u for being you, Stell!!

  70. Emmy Vierrania Nur'aennyMay 3, 2014 at 2:08 AM

    waahhh suka cartoon japan yah..
    aku juga..terutama hunter x hunter..
    sampe sekarang aku masih nonton cartoonnya loh..(dvd)
    I hope my dream come true but to be honest..I dont know what is my dream?
    realy dream??I dont know..
    I just want to be a good person and always happy in my live..what I want and thats come to me..Just that is maybe..